Community: Blogs

As we discussed in our last blog post, being a male MilSpouse can be a lonely role. Most of the resources for military spouses are tailored to women, and you probably don't quite feel at home in the family meetings and activities.

But, if you get past the early awkwardness, you may actually get a lot out of your base's resources for Military Spouses. To begin with, keep in mind that you do have a lot in common with Military Wives. When it comes to the tough issues, you're all dealing with the same things: loneliness, uneasiness about your spouse being a world away, solo parenting, and responsibilities that you weren't familiar with before. And, in many cases, you're dealing with them in the same ways - I've heard of military families who have a Flat Mommy the way some families have a Flat Daddy.

So, you have a lot in common. But you're still having trouble finding your place in the MilSpouse community. To change this, you're going to have to invest some time and effort. Many Military Husbands go to spouse or family meetings once, feel out of place, and never return. But remember that it can be uncomfortable the first time you meet any group of people and, like any group, in order to really bond with the other members, you just have to keep on going, strike up conversations, and see what you have in common with the other members.

That said, it's a pretty well-known truth that women tend to bond by talking to each other and men tend to bond over activities - no talking required. But, instead of letting that keep you from trying to connect with the other spouses on your base, use it to your advantage. You never know who shares your hobbies - ask around, and when you find some shared interests, act on them. Love barbecue? Arrange a grill-off.  The other spouses will appreciate the effort and opportunity to do something new, and you'll make some friends in the process. And if another Military Husband ends up on your base, he'll definitely be happy to have you around.

In terms of bonding with your family, being a military husband actually has its benefits. As I mentioned in Part 1, the traditional, male-dominated culture of the military can make it tough to be a Military Husband - especially if you're a stay-at-home dad. But, then again, your wife is learning to navigate this culture, too - and working through that together can be a great way to bond.

I'll close with the same advice that I'd give to a female spouse: Be proud and supportive of your spouse - but be proud of your own life, too. Whether you're employed or you're a stay-at-home dad, take pride in your accomplishments, and work to build aspects of your life that are your own - don't solely define yourself as a military spouse.

Check back for the final installment of our Military Husband series - useful links and blogs for Military Husbands.